i sincerely, strongly and utterly believe that my "relative" is coming soon. this is because i've been feeling emotionally unstable these days. plus, i'm starting to yearn for unhealthy activities such as binge drinking and chain smoking.. i really should stop abusing myself but somehow, i want to hurt myself. weird? yes, i'm feeling super emo now..
in case you're reading, it's not you but you can ask me about it. i need someone to talk to but i dont know who i can turn to. cause everyone thought i've moved on. no one knows how vulnerable i am during this holiday season.. every year... for the past 3 years.. i felt it..... a very familiar, sharp pain in my heart.. would the wound ever heal enough for me to accept someone else? i dont know..
everyone (which amounts to no one.. =.=) reading this is going to think, oh no.... qr's in that mood again.. yes i am.. sue me.. sigh.. i want to be cheerful again.. but..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fine.. i'm not ready to be in a relationship.. especially now.. i think my heart's kind of dead when it comes to love... i'm really scared of stepping into another relationship. i need to feel my heart beating again before committing.. i want to feel the burning in my cheeks, the tongue-tightening feeling, the butterflies in my stomach.... mostly, i want my heart beat faster... i wonder which guy will make it happen??
我依然还有心痛的感觉.. ごめなさい
